Letters to people who don't care

Dear Congresspeople:

"Gay" does not mean "pedophile." You don't have to take my word for it--it's right there in the dictionary. So instead of talking about finding out who all the "secret gays" are, before we start talking about ousting all the homosexuals from the government, maybe we should find all the people who've hit on their seventeen-year-old interns and babysitters and random boys AND GIRLS, and get rid of all of THEM. Maybe the "homosexual menace" isn't as big a deal as the "hitting on children" menace. Just a suggestion.
Hope you had a happy Coming Out Day!
Best,
Tornadia



Dear Civil Planners of Champaign:

Just wanted to thank you for beginning, but never finishing, simultaneous construction projects on both ends of my street. Now that you've blocked the alley AND taken away our street parking as well, I'm getting plenty of exercise! And who needs an alarm clock when the gravel truck shows up every morning at 5:30 to drop another load into the street? I'm so glad we've had this summer together. Since it looks like you're nowhere near finishing whatever it is you're doing, I'm sure I'll see your contractors again next summer!
Hugs,
Tornadia




Dear Assistant Boss:
You're not funny. You're mean. And kind of a jackass.
Don't mess,
Tornadia