BOOO hoo.

I love Halloween. I like candy, I like dressing up, I like the notion of scaring away the things that go bump in the night. But this year, Halloween's kinda getting all stressy and pressure-y and up in my grill. Back off, halloween!

First off: Not all women want to be a "sexy" fill-in-the blank. The weird hypersexualization, and even more the hyper gender-ization, of costumes is bugging me. It is seriously ridiculous searching for a costume online. You can choose from men's, women's, kids, or couples. The men's costumes are all baggy, pants-and-shirts sorts of things. Things you might be able to sit down at a party in. The women's costumes are all "sexy." Sexy nurse, sexy schoolgirl, sexy french maid. Sexy cat. Sexy bunny. Sexy soldier. Sexy nun. Seriously? Who thinks to themselves "I'd really like to dress up like a nun. I just wish they're habits weren't so unsexy." Nobody. Nobody thinks that. I hope. And then I go to the Goodwill and I hear college girls saying things like "Do you think this would make a good dress for a nerd? Like, I mean, if I shortened the skirt and left the buttons open?"* So the women's costumes are all super short, super low cut, and super shiny. You couldn't possibly DO anything in most of them. What if you want to bob for apples, miss Sexy Cat? You'd show your entire heinie to the whole party!

And then there's the fact that the costumes are divided by sex in the first place. Mermaid = women's costume. Beer can = man's costume. And the fact that costume designers, who are apparently all 15-year-old boys, believe that all women are slim-legged and large-chested. And kind of slutty.

The New York Times ran an article on this, and it made some interesting points that I think I pretty much disagree with. Halloween gives young women a safe way to play with their sexuality! It's a fun time to try on new personas! But . . . really? An event where people are usually (a) drinking and (b) literally wearing masks is a safe space? Do so-called "men's costumes" suddenly give the wearer a stronger sense of social awareness and party restraint?
The whole point of halloween is self-indulgence and hidden identities. I'm sure there are plenty of fun, decent, safe halloween parties, but I'm not sure that's what the makers of, say, this sexy boot camp officer costume were going for.

* I actually overheard this. In real life. Sexy nerd? Is that possible?

Next up, "cultural" costumes. Feministing ran a bit on appropriating other races for Halloween costumes, and, when you put it that way, yeah. Bad. The first picture they showed was a "Pink Indian Princess" costume. Bad. And then after the jump, they went on to show an Arabian Dancer, Dragon Samurai, and Sexy Seniorita. And...I don't know. I think the names are stereotypes and offensive, but if your seven-year-old dresses up as a ninja, is that racial oppression? I just don't think that putting on the clothes is the same as putting on the race. If you dress like a ninja and draw racially caricatured features on, that's one thing. But if you dress like a ninja with a hood, is that racism? How is dressing up like an Arabian dancer different from dressing up as Jeannie, the genie? Is it really that different from dressing up in lederhosen or wooden shoes and a pinafore? Is it okay to dress as another nationality, but only if that nation is characterized by the same race I am? I don't know. There are definitely some sketchy boundaries here, but I don't know if it's really like Halloween samurais and flamenco dancers are really trying to pretend they're Japanese and Spanish. [Later: Comments posted on the ad now say a lot of the same thing--and make the point that it's the marketing that's racist, not the costume. With that, I wholly agree.]

Last up: The pressure. Halloween used to be one of my favorite holidays because it's all about pretending to be something else, and most of the time I'd definitely rather be something I'm not. And it's just plain, fun, goofiness. There's no family drama, or gift tension, or religious overtones. You dress up and eat candy. That sounds awesome.

But now it feels like every year you have to have a very clever costume. Funny, scary, sexy, whatever, it still should be terribly smart. Right now I just don't have that much energy to devote to my costume ideas. It's sapping the fun out of it.

Annnnnyway. Happy halloween, witches and werewolves and Elvises and heelys!

Random Spam, Esquire

Never-wearied mother ship


!!!

They comes, and goes, and goes

Two more people told me this weekend they're leaving town.

This is one of the things that sucks the most about living in a transitional town like this. All the people you really like eventually leave, and it's just harsh. And all the wallpaper people in your life--the people you aren't particularly close to, and maybe don't even like very much but see around all the time--all the faces just disappear, and they're replaced by new faces, and all the new faces are 19 and think you're lame. And if you are a person who actually stays here, because it IS a good place and you've got a good job and you've still got a few good faces around, you start to feel sort of rutted and stationary, like everybody else is moving on without you. It's like everybody else is going off to junior high and you're being held back in elementary another year, but you're the one holding you back. Or not. I don't know.

While I'm in a mildly depressy groove, one more story. A guy I work with came around today and gave everybody in the company a paper cut-out of a jack-o-lantern for their offices or cubicles. On the one hand, it's really quite sweet; on the other hand, the thought of him sitting at home this weekend cutting out fifty pumpkins and giving them little marker-drawn faces makes me want to cry.

Okay. On to other things! It's 6 pm, it's 37 degrees, and I've got a softball game to play!

Letters to people who don't care

Dear Congresspeople:

"Gay" does not mean "pedophile." You don't have to take my word for it--it's right there in the dictionary. So instead of talking about finding out who all the "secret gays" are, before we start talking about ousting all the homosexuals from the government, maybe we should find all the people who've hit on their seventeen-year-old interns and babysitters and random boys AND GIRLS, and get rid of all of THEM. Maybe the "homosexual menace" isn't as big a deal as the "hitting on children" menace. Just a suggestion.
Hope you had a happy Coming Out Day!
Best,
Tornadia



Dear Civil Planners of Champaign:

Just wanted to thank you for beginning, but never finishing, simultaneous construction projects on both ends of my street. Now that you've blocked the alley AND taken away our street parking as well, I'm getting plenty of exercise! And who needs an alarm clock when the gravel truck shows up every morning at 5:30 to drop another load into the street? I'm so glad we've had this summer together. Since it looks like you're nowhere near finishing whatever it is you're doing, I'm sure I'll see your contractors again next summer!
Hugs,
Tornadia




Dear Assistant Boss:
You're not funny. You're mean. And kind of a jackass.
Don't mess,
Tornadia

your future looks...non-existent.

I just looked up my morning horoscope.

It’s blank.

Seriously, it just says "TAURUS: - "

Well, shit, y’all. It’s been nice knowing ya.

Oh. What happened to September?

I don't know.

Here's where my life is at right now:
It's 7:00 on Friday night, and I just got excited walking through the warehouse at work because Kleenex has redesigned its corporate tissue boxes.

These are dark days.

Okay. Potential jobs that are not life-sucking:

1.
2.
3.

I can't think of any right now. Ideas? Come on, people, help a sister out. I'm tired.